Sometimes I think I am way in over my head. I will be completely honest with you all. I had never planned to graduate high school a year early and I especially did not plan on going straight to college afterward. So why am I doing this? Sometimes I wonder the same thing. I like to tell myself this is the natural order of things-the birds have to get kicked out of the nest eventually if they ever want to go anywhere. But I just can’t help but feel like this is more than that. In reality, this is really not my idea.

There is a certain kind of people that I love reading about in the Bible. They aren’t the people like Moses, who, when God comes to him in a burning bush and says, “Go deliver my people”, replies to God “you want me to do what?!” Are you sure I’m the right guy? I mean I’m not really cut out for this am I? Please send someone else. This response to God’s calling is too much like my own response to God at times.

No, the people that I love are the people like Samuel. When God called out to Samuel, he responded with a simple “Speak Lord, for your servant is listening.” He was first of all, willing to hear whatever it was God wanted him to do, and better yet, he went and did it. Now sure, Samuel was afraid, the Bible says so itself. God had asked him to do something I think Samuel probably wasn’t super excited about doing, but nevertheless, he went ahead and did it.

I feel a bit like Samuel. I’m afraid. And sometimes I am not always excited about the things God asks me to do. For those of you who know me, you know I am passionate about missions. You could say that I get excited about missions things. It’s true, God has laid missions on my heart and has made me very passionate about it. But God has also allowed me to have a taste of mission work in my life, and I have come to realize that I don’t always enjoy everything that it entails. And so, when God asks me to leave my happy home in Quincy a year early to join this mission training program at Bethany, I get scared. I don’t want to leave my family, my friends. And the thought that in two years I will head off on my 16-month global internship, though it does excite me at times, at other times is makes me anxious to the point where I am wondering how I got myself into this mess.

And yet, Samuel did what God had asked him to do, despite his fears or other concerns, because he knew God. He knew God was good. He knew God was loving. And he knew that God was in control and that if he, Samuel, only followed His lead, then everything would be okay. It may not be easy. It would be uncomfortable, frustrating, confusing at times. But Samuel let go of all these other things and grabbed hold of God. And so, I will say the same. I know God. I know Jesus. I know that Jesus is good. I know that Jesus is loving. I trust that Jesus is in control and that if I simply follow His lead, then everything will be okay. Yes, it will be hard. Awkward. Painful. Frustrating. Like Samuel, though, I will do what He tells me. I will go where He leads. And I hope and pray that as I move along in this journey, that I am constantly willing to say “speak Lord, for your servant is listening.” I pray that I can let go of whatever fears or concerns I may have, and simply grab hold of Jesus.